Water and Oil
You have seen that when ever you have added water to oil that the two have never mixed. Maybe you did science experiments at school. Maybe you’ve seen this in the kitchen or on tv. Maybe you’ve seen the shinny glimmer of oil on a puddle in the road. No matter how vigorously and for how long you shake these two liquids together, they will never mix. However, if you add a third ingredient, like liquid soap, you can get water and oil to cooperate and emulsify.
The Abrahamic faiths all teach and practice the sanctity of marriage and that marriage is the union of male and female, that the two must become one.
However, in today’s society, there is no schooling on how to become one with your partner. We grow up and the only model we have of becoming one, are our parents. The probability of your parents having achieved becoming one, is only 10%. On top of this statistic, we come into a relationship with preconceived ideas of what it should look like; with a list of expectations of what we want it to look like; with little schooling on what relationships actually look like, and then demand the relationship be perfect from day one.
Adding to this mix of dysfunction, most men come into a relationship with a very immature developed masculinity and start a relationship as a man-child. Most woman have emotional scares, abuses, and traumas, probably most men too.
John Gray wrote a book: “Men are from mars; Woman are from Venus”. If you have not read this book, it’s definitely recommended. Basically, the author states the obvious, but in a fun and metaphorical way, that men and woman are different, like water and oil.
Men and woman are like water and oil. To really bond and become one, there has to be a third factor that makes this possible. God is the one who has ordained marriage and unity, and God is the third emulsifying factor.
I often say in my talks, my coaching and counselling practice and to people I teach, that the length of your relationship is determined by your commitment, but the quality of your relationship is determined by your character and God is the Teacher of all Teachers to shape our characters.
If your marriage feels like it is on stormy sea’s and always at the verge of sinking, if your relationship drains you, exhausts you, frustrates you or depletes you, then you and your partner are still like water and oil. You must start to do things differently; you have to be different; you have to start interacting differently. Einstein said that doing the same things over and over again, but expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
If you want your relationship to work. If you want an endearing, passionate and loving relationship, you, and your partner must become something new. 1+1=2, you cannot remain a 1, you must evolve and become a 2. This is true for all relationships. Even if you leave your current relationship, you will still have to change and become a 2. You will still be water and your new partner will still be oil. You will never be fulfilled , stretched or grow if you and your partner are both water or both oil.
Of course, I am not saying that you have to be different in all things. Your similarities and the shared experiences in life are the basis of a great friendship. Water and oil are both liquids, are both fluids, runny and wet. And if you are too different, you can never become one, like water and fire. Similarities are important and differences are important. Your similarities bond your friendship, and your opposites enhance our passion.
Marriage then is a spiritual journey, and all spiritual journeys lead us to God, lead us back to love.
Start your journey. Find a coach, go on retreats, read books, find blogs. Educate yourself, learn, develop, transform, and do the inner work. Connection, intimacy, passion and even love are skill sets that must be developed consciously through practice, ritual, and exercise. They say no man is an island and that it takes a community to raise a child. Find a community that helps you build, develop, and sustain your relationship practice in development of becoming one with your partner. And remember, your partner is part of your community,
I wish you clarity in your vision in becoming a 2
Brandon